Mind of my mind

I'm sorry I've been gone for far too long. This space used to bring back so many memories, until one day I couldn't handle how some of them hurt so bad, and how some of them suffocate.

I wanted to hit refresh. I needed a cleaner slate. So I started everything from scratch again. And right now, it feels like I'm back to square one.

Being busy was good. In fact it felt great when everyday was crammed with shitloads of stuff. Things to do, things to complete, things to buy...The list never ends, and everyday I wake up knowing I have at least a few activities/events/tasks to do. I've never felt this good in ages. I've never felt this good being busy.

And then the same shit happens. A few weeks into some shit going on, something hits the mind, you start to let your mind wander, and it goes into places you don't want to end up in.

And then shit hits the fan....

Dug up some old tumblr pictures I had saved. They say a million. About my life, and I'm pretty sure yours too.

Problem? I'm stuck in this rut where I keep thinking there should be something more. Something magical should be happening. Something is lacking.

Perhaps it's love. Perhaps it's pursuing lifelong dreams. Perhaps it's finally finding footing in life.

I can't quite put my finger on it, I just wished sometimes, answers come falling in my lap during moments like this.

Have you ever felt like this? Not happy, yet not sad. Can't smile, yet can't cry. You feel down, but not exactly either. You're just amongst a million contradictory emotions. Suddenly no one in your contact list seems to cut it, because you don't even know how to talk, or what to say, no matter how much you wanna get that shit off your mind.

And you just wish a miracle will happen; someone, who completely understands what you are going through, what you are thinking and how you are feeling without you saying anything, to just appear and give you the right answers. And a hug.

Damn. Now I know where those shows get the "perfect/absolute" boyfriend concept from.

And I realise it's always during moments like these when I wanna go up to the stars and whisper to the brightest one, "I miss you".

Blogger doesn't allow me to post pictures via my phone. What gives? But anyway just a shoutout to those who still visit this dead space, i'm not gone. Will be vomiting CNY pictures soon! After editing the lightings because they are all in boring bright white light. Meanwhile really busy undertaking all sorts of tasks from so many huge projects. But with that said, I am soaking in all the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction thereafter. Have a great week ahead lovelies :)