I still remember not too long ago, I was feeling this way. Lost. Not knowing where to go, not having any clear directions, not knowing what to fight for, not having a place where I belong.
I remember R told me this "I used to feel this way. But you have to accept the fact that people like us are not born to fit in. Find your goal, fight for it."
I felt better, like a lot better. But then again there are always times where I needed some haven to hide in, I needed people who could understand me even without me saying anything, I needed people who are closer than family. And then I look around and I feel...alone.
L.O.V.E
"It's as strong a word as hate, but people throw it around like it's nothing."
Love can represent so many things, be present for different people, even things. A universal language.
If I love someone of the opposite gender, must we get together? Must we be together to call it love? I don't know. I really don't.
But sometimes it gets so frustrating when you get attached and people start gluing both your presence together. It's as if a person cannot exist as an individual once he/she is in a relationship.
I feel it even before the relationship stage. And it disturbs me, scares me, and turns me off.
Isn't it irritating when you walk into a room, everyone turns to you, but instead of saying "Hi" they go "Where's XXX?"
Or when you are in the middle of bantering and the other party just goes "Not happy ah, go find your boyfriend/girlfriend la"
Or before you even say anything "Aiya he/she got boy/girl friend already, still got time hang out with us meh?"
AND THE WORSE "The boy/girl friend don't want go, he/she sure won't go one la"
It makes me feel that once I'm in a relationship, people no longer see me as an individual and respect the fact that I have my own opinions, my own existence, my own life.
And it really sucks when people do that. It doesn't piss me off, no. But it does makes me feel sad for some reason. I don't know why I get so affected by this, because some other people enjoys the fact that people see the couple together as one person. But not me. I don't know why. I would just rather people call me by my name and not XX's girlfriend, or seek my opinions and not assuming my decision will be the same as my other half.
In fact I would just rather people see me as an individual even if I'm attached. Period.
The most important thing in my life right now, and the only thing that is constantly pushing me to breakthrough myself; dance.
I may be young in this scene, raw and new. I have a lot more to learn, a lot more to discover, a lot more to experience. But I will never be afraid because this is what I want to do.
All I hope for, is that the people I know, who know me, from outside the dance scene, respect that fact.
I hold this passion close to my heart, which might be the reason why I am extremely sensitive to any unwanted remarks/jokes that are uncalled for. I really just want to be able to love what I do, be proud of what I do, and be happy while doing it.
I don't even know the reason behind this post. I guess I just needed an outlet to rant, to vent, to express my thoughts.
And then I had no one to go to.
