Rambling Night

Booya.

Bear with me for this post because it's in the middle of the night but I can't get to sleep because I'm suffering from the "body-clock-turned-upside-down" disease. Feeling pretty uncomfortable these days. Not really sick like I'm down with anything, but I get these headaches, nausea, dizziness, hunger pangs at odd hours. I know it sounds like pregnancy, but IT'S NOT. 

This is another post that is going to be pretty much filled with incoherent thoughts and random stuff because I want to talk to somebody when I can't sleep, but nobody is going to be willing to listen even if they are awake at this sort of crazy timing. 

Went to Red Numbers gala premiere today as part of my work. Got to see local celebrities up close but it was so chaotic I had no time to ask for pictures. But then again, there wasn't any particular celeb I wanted to take a picture with. I just wanted to have a physical evidence of this memory that I was part of something like this, that I'm at a gala premiere because of work, that there was nothing too glamourous but it felt rewarding to be part of something with red carpet & flashing lights. 

I'm sorry, I watch too many movies. 

But I've always wanted to try to be a celeb for one day, to experience what it feels like having to live your everyday life knowing somebody on the streets might recognize you. It'll be fun. 

But only for a day. Because life's no fun if everybody knows you and you can't do anything you want. Like even saying "fuck" in public. 

I've once heard an actor say "fuck" irl before and it surprised me. It's not that it gave me a negative impression but it was just so surprising. I can't explain the reason behind it but it just felt weird hearing it coming from a "celeb" mouth. 

Moving on.

I'm freaking lost right now. I just saw a video that inspires people to do what they wanna do for a living, to live happy and free, to not work for money. Because earning from what you love doing most is what makes life meaningful. 

But I can't do what I wanna do without having enough money. & no matter what, education is so highly stressed here I know I have to at least have some sort of qualification as backup. 

Which sucks. Because I didn't really put in my best in poly. 

Which sucked. 

I'm really full of contradictions and conflicting thoughts.

Moving on.

Thank you for even reaching this part of the post, I was just rambling my thoughts here & they are all so random I didn't think anyone would finish reading this post.

If you did, you're probably weird.

Just kidding.

X.